Weekly Photo Challenge: Resolved
I have been locking myself in my room for almost 3 weeks. Yesterday was the first day I see the world outside my box: went to library and buried myself with paper that I started writing for the past 4 weeks.
The day was ended with coffee in Marbeck with a friend. We have discussion about me: how I have been wasting my live (her opinion), why I am so weak and her statement that I have no goal in my life.
And I, as the cornered person, answered the questions and explained as the best as I can.
She was living up there in big mansion on the top of tall building. I was down there in a middle-wage community area. She went to the best senior high school in Jakarta, I went to state-owned senior high school 50 minutes from home. She went to study abroad with her parent’s money, I cried when saw my parent showed their money once they knew I was accepted in state-owned university on different island.
She got a job with high payment 6 months after graduation in abroad, I was looking for any jobs for a year before accepted as a worker in a garden and continue my parent’s living: middle-tend to lower class of community.
Her money allows her to rent a small house, buy a car, and shopping. My payment per month allow me to grocery shopping and saved it for my ambition: go abroad and study.
It need 7 years.
So if she said I am freaking wasting my live, she should walk in my shoes. Begging money for school is suck! Living as lower class is suck!
So I explained to her and she (seemed) understood. She said: “we are in same condition actually: our parent provided our school and you got the job after finishing undergrad”.
I stared to the flat white: honey, yes we are the same. The only different thing is you have lot of money, opportunity, luck than me. You walk in diamond bright thick sole-shoes while I am in canvas thin sole. You can stop and still living in luxury while I can’t, I only add the number of slump population.
I called it a day. Enough. I don’t want to hear her resolution: buying a house before 25, become an expert in biotechnology before 30, get higher position in the company before …
I slipped my debit card back to wallet, I owe her 50 cents. I didn’t have coin. She might assure herself that I am just a lazy, misfortune, stupid woman. While I see myself as a woman who struggle to escape from the mud and (unfortunately) my fighting consume money, time and luck that I have.
So my resolution for this year:
Finish my study and STOP. I will stop for a moment and have my hammer time. Then walk and/ride to find (or beg) opportunity to continue my study (by any means) while enjoying my journey.
I always dream to have (and drive) a car. It will be easier to enjoy New Zealand if I can drive. It will be easier to drive my mom somewhere to enjoy the rest of her day (trust me, public transportation in my home country is not friendly for elder).
We called the day. I said to her: “I eager to learn even though I know my money is tight and probably I need more time to find school. Event though I know I have to work hard”.
She said: “I don’t want to back to uni even though I have brain and I know I am able to pay”.